2.5 week blues - 'Since my Baby Left Me'

I'm writing this post because I have to write. Most of my days are spent with a mass of emotions revolving around my head. I know I've done the right thing in coming home, but it does nothing to ease the pain I feel of having had to leave Australia and my girlfriend behind. Skype helps but it's an almost evil device. It gives you a glimpse of the one you love, a chance to hear their voice, a quick peek into their everyday life and before you know it...BOOM! They're gone again! The red phone button is pressed, the quick flash of a white screen and you've transported back to reality the Instantaneity of it all. Sometimes the sense of longing you had before skyping is doubled by the time you hang up, but alas it's a necessary evil. I can't even begin to comprehend how people went through Long Distance Relationships before the technology afforded to us nowadays.

The old saying like a ship adrift on the ocean is apt summarization for me now. You do your best to plough on through days like nothing is different, that you can conquer any obstacles. Some days, however, emotions and thoughts catch up with you, and in my case more than often consume me. There's only so long you can keep your finger in the dam. I feel the best thing to do is to write. Write down how I feel, write like I know someone will read this, like a message in a bottle my thoughts and words might reach someone in a distant land. With Skype and Viber I tend to freeze on the spot and forget half the things I wanted to say or dodge what I really want to say by asking the bland questions. The how was your day? What's the weather like? questions.

Even as I write this, I can feel a weight lifting off my shoulders. The haze in my mind is lifting. I know there is a lot of people out there with worries, fears and problem far greater than I. However it doesn't change the fact that I feel separated. Separated from the one person in the world I want to be with more than any, the sense of separation from my family and friends, from where I'm back living in. 

However like anything in life you have to roll with the punches and take a couple of kitchen sinks to the face. At the end of the day, this current period I'm going through will only serve to improve me as a person, make me more rounded, make me more aware of my place on this earth. You must always acknowledge your emotions and try not to bury them. But at the same time, you can't let them dictate your day to day discourse.

I've dabbled enough in self-pity at this stage to realise I don't like it. To finish off on yet another massive cliche, I have only begun to enter the tunnel.