I'm missing you today

I just wanted to write about the ever consuming manifestations that come along with the feeling of loneliness. How one emotion can rule your whole day. It's been possibly the most obvious and far-reaching knock-on effect from this LDR. Usually like clockwork, it strikes hard at the weekend. It's amazing the small things that oil the wheels in your mind. Like an innocuous T.V. programme about booze buses and RBT'S (Random Breath Tests). The episode just happened to be filmed in a town, and my girlfriend and I visited at the start of the year. And then it starts—the memories. Oh, here's that shop, that restaurant, that street, that sweet shop, I wonder is that nice man still working in that shop? It's like a broken dam once the memories and emotions flow you can't stop them you just brace yourself and get ready for the mental ride.

I mean a lot of the other things you can keep in check like keeping busy, talking to each other daily, thoughts of the other person. But you can't keep loneliness in check. It's an ever present sometimes cruel master. A chain reaction of emotions can lead on from loneliness. If I'm not lonely I won't be sad, If I'm not sad I could be happy, If I'm happy I could feel content again.

Acknowledging loneliness is half the battle at the end of the day we're only human. Distance is lonelinesses partner throughout. And he/she is playing a blinding role backing up the loneliness with 17,370 km's or so between us. You could be the wealthiest man or woman in the world but you could still be lonely. Ironically if someone came up with a physical cure for loneliness they would become overnight millionaires.

You have to try tackle the problem in new inventive ways as time rolls on with seconds bleeding into minutes into hours into days into months. Rather than seeing loneliness as an Everest-like obstacle in your path to happiness and contentment try see it (and manage it) a series of smaller obstacles. Find new ways of breaking up the time, new ways of having the same old conversation over a web cam. At least that's what I'm trying to do, I feel I have to do it or I'll be at the loss of my sanity.

Another massive knock-on effect that links arm in arm with the mental side of loneliness is the physical side. The physical loss of your partner. No intimacy, no lust, no closeness, just pent up frustrations. Which in turn manifest themselves into mood swings. I find myself going from being perfectly fine and relatively content to grumpy and irritable in what feel like a couple of nanoseconds.

But for all my complaining and longing it is what it is. It will be worth it all in the end all, the frustration and lonely days and nights will someday be a distance memory.